God it has been so long since I have written. Well lets see life is still good what can I say Im married to a wonderful man. We have our ups and downs but more ups than downs. Last month I had another stroke and Pete was right there by my side the whole time and even after I got home. Im doing ok but still dont seem to have all my energy back. I guess that could have something to do with being 38 years old. My husband lost a friend of his last week and that has really opened my eyes up to a lot of things. Life is just to darn short. Live each and every day as if it were your last. That is my moto now. We just never know. Petes friend got up and went to work and never had a clue that it would be  his last day here. It really effected Pete in a bad way. I dont think he has been the same since it happened. We were there for the family and what sweet parents Scott had. It was the saddest thing to see people grieve so bad. So for those of you that have children "hug them as much as you can". After seeing what Scotts parents went through with there son passing away it really made me realize just how lucky I am that I still have my children.

Maye this is what I needed to see in my own life to make me focus on what I do have instead of what I dont have. I got stuck in a depression rutt for awhile after I got out of the hospital because we were struggleing financially as well as emotionally. All I could think about was all the bad things that kept happeneing and when that happened to scott it really made me look at what all I do have in my life that I didnt see before. What a wake up call for both me and my husband. And Im thankful for it.

Life Couldnt be better

  
Just wanted to say hi to everyone and say that I hope that you all had a good christmas. Ours was great. Both Crystal and Brandon were here along with Julianne so what more could I have ask for. But I will say that Im glad it is all over. We spent way to much money and now have to start saving up again because we are flat broke probbley like everyone elce but it was well worth it. Me and Pete have been off work all week and it sure has been nice. Brandon has been with his Dad the last 2 nights so we havent done much of anything. I sure do miss him but we get him back tomarrow. And will have him up until Monday. Pete did very well on Christmas. He handled the fact that he didnt have his son better than I thought that he would. I guess just being with Brandon and Crystal and Julianne helped him a lot. He is so good to both of those kids and Julianne as well. I am so glad that I married a man like him. Chesley came with Crystal to and I was so glad. That is her boyfriend. He has been so good to both her and Julianne and that has really made me feel good and love him even more. I know that they are both very well taken care of. Juliannes Dad has not been seeing her like he should so it makes me feel good to know that Julianne has Chesley to look up to. And he acts like he loves her just as she is his own. His whole family has been wonderful to that baby.

Maybe one day Crystal and Chesley will get married. I would be very happy if they did and so would Pete. Crystal loves Chesley very much and I feel that he feels the same way about her. And Little Julianne just climbs right up in his lap as though he has been her father all along. It is like I told Chesley sperm doesnt make a man a father and it doesnt. Juliannes own father doesnt spend the time with her that Chesley does and that is his own fault because at any time that he wants that baby he knows that he can get her but he never does ask much. He got her on christmas day and had her that night but had Crystal come and get her the next day at noon and the didnt even have to work that Monday. Shows how much time he spends with her. And now he wont see her for another 2 weeks. It really pisses me off because he doesnt even pay childsupport for her. So Crystal and Chesley are the ones that do it all. But chesley never complains "now that is a man". I dont have to worry about her or the baby like I used to as long as they are with him I know that they both are going to have what they need. Chesley does what he has to do to provide for that family and crystal does as much as she can to do her part. I worry all the time that something is going to happen to me with my health the way it is but at least as long as Chesley is in there life then that is one less thing that I have to worry about if something does happen to me. And I also have ask Pete to always make sure that Crystal is ok if something does end up happening to me and I know that he will.

It sounds crazy with me talking like this but with the way my heart has been doing the last month or so I am really worried sometimes that Im going to have another heart attack and this time it is going to be fatal and it does feel good to know that your kids are taken care of. At least then you could go in peace. So for me life is really good right now aside from the health problems. Im going to start looking for another job maybe working part time in an office or something because Im just not able to stand on my feet for 8 hours a day anymore so hopefully I will find something soon. Pete even said he would work overtime so that I would not have to work at all but I dont want him doing that and I dont want to stay home everyday either. I think I would go crazy if I tried to do that. So Im just going to keep my fingers crossed that I find something that I can do that will keep us going money wise. Well thats about all going on with us. I hope that everyone is doing well.

                                                       Denise                                                                     

  Things are going pretty good here but cold as heck! Not used to this mess. It has been in the 60's and now all of a sudden dropping down into the 30's. Winter is finally here I think. Brandon had a really good birthday Friday the big "13". I had a house full but it was nice. Brandon had 3 of his friends stay over and they all did really good but by Saturday I was exaused and then had to go to my moms and do some stuff for her outside because she is just not able to. Then after that me and my husband took Brandon and one of his friends bowling so needless to say we got no rest this past weekend. But I dont have him this weekend coming up so I guess I will spend my time resting then. I got to see Julianne 2 days in a row . She is my . I love that little girl to death. She is so sweet. But she seems to be a papa's girl but that is ok because my husband loves her to death. I have still been having a  hard time with my blood pressure and it is really starting to worry me. Im so afraid Im going to go to bed and not wake up or something. I dont even let my kids know how much I worry about it. I just dont feel good much anymore and it just seems to be getting worse. If it were not for my children and Julianne it would not bother me as much but I want to see little Julie grow up and get married and all those other wonderful things that are going to happen in her life. It used to just be about Crystal and Brandon but now it is just as much about her. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Im still working as much as I can but had to miss 2 days last week because my blood pressure was so high. Me and Pete are doing ok but we still dont spend that much quality time together like I would like to. And really it is because I just dont feel very good most of the time. But he never complains. He tries to be understanding about it. Christmas is almost here and I still have a few things to get but not much. Im looking forward to it this year to see little Julianne open her gifts and see Brandons face when he opens his. Me and Pete have just desided to not get each other anything this year. Money is kind of tight right now because of me being out of work. But I dont want anything anyway and he said he doesnt either. He said he is just happy to have a family. This will be the first christmas in almost 7 years that he has not spent it alone. He always spent it alone because he didnt have his boys with him and was very depressed. This year he said will be the best because he has Brandon and Crystal and Julianne and me. And for me it will be the first Christamas that I have been with a man sober which will be wonderful. God I want know how to act . Well that is about all going on my way. I hope that everyone is doing good.

  



Hi everyone it has been awhile since I have written but I have just had so much going on in my life and also am still have a lot of health problems but other than that all is going pretty good. Julianne is growing so much and getting more fun the older she gets. She is so beautiful and so sweet. Me and pete are doing good but tonight he told me that he was worried a little bit because he thinks that I seem distant from him. I dont mean to be but I have not been feeling well and Im one of those that dont like to be bothered when I dont feel good. He said we never cuddle on the couch anymore or anything. He is right but thats because Im usually so busy in the house. I guess Im going to have to start making time.

I wish that I had more energy than I do. I think after christmas we will take a little weekend getaway. Brandons birthday is Friday he is going to be the big 13 and I still have not desided what Im going to do for him yet. I have been so busy with Christmas shopping that I didnt have time to plan anything. I think maybe we will let him have a sleep over or something. We got him his own phone line for his Birthday and gave it to him early and got has that been nice. I finally have my phone back lol..lol. I swear that boy has about 10 differant girls calling him everynight. He is one handsome little boy. Well that is about all going on my way. I hope everyone is doing well.

 Today has been an ok day. Pete stayed home today because he was sick so I had to tend to him all day. What fun that was. He is going to try to go back in the morning so I will get the day to myself. I like it better when Im home alone. I seem to get more done when Im here by myself for some reason. We still havent heard anything from our step son so we are done with putting minutes on his prepaid phone for him. Im sure we will get a call when he is almost out of minutes. Oh well he will have to get his mom to put some on there for him. I wanted to also stop sending him $20 dollars a week to go skateing until he can start calling his Dad and showing that he appreciates what we do for him but Pete didnt feel the same way about that. But Im not going to send it anymore Pete is going to have to do it.

And as far as christmas goes we are just going to send him some money for christmas because there is no way Im going to get a plane ticket this late for a decent price for christmas. We started looking and they have already jacked the prices up because of the hollidays and that is why we told his mom in the first place to let us know ahead of time so we could buy it early. She doesnt help us pay for it so it is our money that has to pay for his ticket. So he wont be coming for Christmas this year. But it looks like she was not going to let him anyway because we have not heard anything from her. I hope that doesnt ruin Petes christams. He was really looking forward to him being able to come but Im not going to keep sitting around and waiting for his X wife to tell us everything at the last minute like she always does. That is unless she wants to buy the ticket herself. Then that would be fine or she can pay for half.

My X boss emailed me and ask me if I would come back to work for him part time. It is so tempting just to have the money but when I mentioned it to my husband he did not respond to that well at all. He is totally against it and I can understand why. I was just thinking about the money I guess. We are having to really watch what we spend right now with me not working and we are not used to that. Oh well I will find something soon. That is about all going on my way. I hope everyone has had a good day.